


Messenger of the Clouds

by YaGirlSkyByte



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, Trans Female Character, Trans Hagumi, cw mild internalised transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaGirlSkyByte/pseuds/YaGirlSkyByte
Summary: Hagumi always told herself she didn't want a first kiss.
Relationships: Kitazawa Hagumi/Tsurumaki Kokoro
Comments: 15
Kudos: 53





	Messenger of the Clouds

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Alice (silversilky) for betaing this! Go read her fics and specifically go read Slow Motion Replay it's really good

Hagumi Kitazawa was not going to kiss a girl.

She’d entertained the thought a few times - well, more than a few, to be honest - but something about the idea, or perhaps something about her, always seemed off. At some point, she realised that whenever her mind wandered to idle fantasies of chaste smooching, she would picture herself as a girl, too.

And she was a girl, obviously! It wasn’t like she was…  _ insecure _ about that, or anything, she just… girls were soft, and pretty, and cute, and, as she’d been reminded time and time again, she wasn’t any of those things. It wasn’t that her parents weren’t supportive, she reminded herself, but maybe their version of support wasn’t what she needed - before they knew she was Hagumi, it was like they were trying to jam a square peg into a round hole, but since she’d told them, they’d switched to trying to jam her into a hexagonal hole instead. Slightly closer, maybe, but she still didn’t fit.

Maybe there was no square hole.

“Hagumi! Hagumi, look! That one looks just like Michelle!”

She blinked, the high, sunny voice of Kokoro Tsurumaki dragging her back to reality. She didn’t know how it was possible for a voice to be bright, but Kokoro’s was. Everything about Kokoro was bright. Her arm was pointed straight up, golden eyes transfixed upon the sky, and the soft mountain grass tickled the back of Hagumi’s neck as she raised her own gaze to match.

“Wow! It does, it does!” Hagumi watched the cloud formation shift, its circular body becoming lumpier, the ears extending, and Hagumi’s eyes sparkled. “And now it looks like Marie! Kokoron, this is so cool!!”

“Yeah! It’s the coolest!!”

Why had she been thinking about all that stuff again? She ended up thinking about it quite a lot in quiet moments, but she never reached any new conclusions, and it always made her feel a little queasy, which might be why she tended to avoid quiet moments. They were rare around Kokoro, but when they did happen, those thoughts seemed… stronger, somehow. It was weird. She already knew she didn’t want to kiss a girl, so why did she spend so much time thinking about it? And why did spending time with Kokoro make her think about it  _ more? _

“Marie’s changing again!” Kokoro gasped, bouncing up and down as much as she could while lying flat on her back, “Oh! Now she’s a loveheart! That’s so  _ cute! _ ”

Hagumi realised she’d been looking at Kokoro rather than the sky again. She turned her eyes above, and saw the heart in the sky, tinted with a soft orange glow by the light of the setting sun. “Wow!”

“Maybe it’s a sign!” Kokoro announced, sitting up suddenly.

“A sign? Whaddya mean, Kokoron?”

“Well, Michelle, then Marie, then a loveheart… maybe it means Michelle and Marie are meant to be together! Maybe we should organise a date!”

Hagumi giggled. “But Kokoron, I  _ am _ Marie, remember? And neither of us have Michelle’s phone number…”

“Oh yeah…” Kokoro mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Well, the cloud pictures must mean  _ something… _ so if you’re Marie, and we can’t reach Michelle, maybe…  _ ah! _ I know!” Before Hagumi could ask, Kokoro was on top of her, legs straddling her waist and hands intertwined with hers. Hagumi’s face burned all of a sudden, like it never had before, but Kokoro seemed entirely unfazed.

“Kokoron--!?”

Kokoro leaned down, and Hagumi’s brain froze.

Her lips were softer than Hagumi had imagined, and a little cold thanks to the mountain air, but she could feel her body heat through them all the same. She tasted like how summer sunshine felt - everything about Kokoro was so bright, and sunny, and beautiful, and Hagumi closed her fingers around her hand, a hand that felt so small in her own, and yet somehow so much stronger--

“ _ Mm-- _ ” An unintentional whine of protest escaped Hagumi’s lips as Kokoro pushed herself back up, grinning just like she always did, as if nothing had happened.

“Maybe that’s what it was saying!”

“Kokoron…?”

“I’ve wanted to kiss Hagumi for  _ ages! _ I think the clouds were saying I should do it now!”

Hagumi blinked her eyes, trying to get rid of whatever was making them sting, sniffling to clear something blocking her nose.

“Hagumi?”

“ _ Kokorooooooon! _ ” she wailed, sitting up with a start and pulling Kokoro into an impossibly tight embrace. She was so small, and soft, and pretty, and she was everything Hagumi wasn’t, and she’d just  _ kissed _ her, and Hagumi didn’t-- she couldn’t--

Kokoro’s arms wrapped unquestioningly around her awkward frame. “I’m sorry!” she said, a rare edge of worry -  _ panic? _ \- in her voice, “Was that bad? Oh, I should’ve known that was too much--”

“ _ I love you! _ ” Hagumi blurted, only realising the truth of her words as she said them, and once it was out there she didn’t know what to do with it, so she just said it again, over and over, apologetically sobbing her confession into the nape of Kokoro’s neck as she awaited the inevitable response, losing herself in idle fantasy for the last moments before her life came crashing down.

“I…” Kokoro breathed, so softly it barely sounded like a word. Her fingers brushed through Hagumi’s hair. “...I love you, too.”

Hagumi’s voice caught in her throat. Her eyes opened, and now they only stung more. Voices in her head told her to let go, to run, to leave before she deceived this poor girl any further, but she could do nothing but hold her tighter.

“Why?” she croaked, in too deep a voice.

“...Because you always make me smile.” Kokoro laughed, but there was something different about it, and Hagumi couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was until she felt a tear splash onto her back. “I… I never understood it, but… I think that’s what it is! I think I’m in love with you!”

“But… I can’t…” Hagumi choked on her words, “I’m not…”

Kokoro’s grip tightened, now. She was always so strong. “You’re Hagumi.” She pushed away, slowly, gently, not letting go, so she could look her in the eye. “I don’t think it matters what anybody else says. You’re my Hagumi.” Her smile still shone through her tear-streaked face, and she was the most beautiful thing Hagumi had ever seen. “I love you so much.”

And Hagumi couldn’t help but smile back.

“So whaddya wanna do now?” Kokoro asked, and her voice was back to its usual chirp, a reassuring familiarity, and Hagumi knew nothing was wrong.

She blushed, looked away. awkwardly pressing her index fingers together as she finally found the voice to ask the question she thought she’d never dare to.

“C-can I kiss you…?”

Kokoro giggled, and smiled, and nodded, leaning forward with her eyes closed.

Slowly,  _ achingly _ slowly, Hagumi leaned in, and brushed her lips against Kokoro’s as much as she dared to, gentler than a butterfly coming to rest upon a daisy.

For a moment, there was silence, just the cool mountain breeze rushing between them.

Then she started giggling.

“Hagumi?” Kokoro opened her eyes, looking a little puzzled.

“ _ I kissed Kokoron! _ ” Hagumi squealed, entirely unable to contain her excitement. “ _ I kissed Kokoron! _ ” she repeated, as though she couldn’t quite believe it.

“Hagumi kissed me!” Kokoro echoed, her arms shooting into the air in support.

Hagumi looked at her, her eyes sparkling even more than they ever had before. “I wanna do it again! I wanna give Kokoron loads and loads of kisses!”

“Yeah, yeah! I wanna kiss Hagumi too!”

Hagumi laughed and pulled Kokoro into another embrace, barely noticing as the last of the sun’s light disappeared into the night, the brightness of the girl in her arms - her girlfriend, she had a girlfriend, she was someone’s  _ girlfriend! _ \- she was more than enough to illuminate the darkness.

Hagumi Kitazawa had just kissed the most important girl in the world.

And she was going to do it again.

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be hagumi's birthday fic but i got too excited and ended up writing it like three months early


End file.
